If you haven’t noticed, I have been MIA on my blog for the past week and I wanted to get on here to explain why, what I’ve learned, and what you can do if you feel like you need to take a second to stop and slow down.
So let’s get personal…
I took this week off because I was struggling a lot mentally. I had a lot of down days and honestly just didn’t feel like myself. I knew I needed a break because sitting in my room alone with my own mind was really dangerous. I (tried) to rely on those around me as much as possible without feeling too much like a burden. Thankfully, I have a few people I always go to who were gentle, welcoming, and kind which is exactly what I needed. I was stressed about so much that I couldn’t even begin to explain to you what exactly it was. I wasn’t doing the best of taking care of myself and I had a strong realization one night that the living that I was living in someways was not my normal and I was not okay with that. Something had to change. Also, some other things happened that triggered this setback but I won’t get into that.
Going into spring break, I was really sick. Like physically sick. I am the type of person that gets awful fevers in general so my body was fighting off a terrible virus for like 4 days. I would sweat a lot in my sleep, feel super cold, then get hot again. Some kombucha and sudafed and lots of sleep thankfully cured my god awful illness. Anyways, in the midst of that I was having really bad anxiety attacks. I didn’t know what was happening and TMI but I was also on my period so it was just a few days of what felt like actual hell.
I took that as a huge sign from myself that I NEED to slow down. I was doing way too many things at once and tried to play this role that clearly was super unhealthy for me. I knew my body was telling me something but I can be pretty stubborn so I didn’t listen. It took for me to get really sick for me to be like “okay, take a second”. So I gave myself the permission to slow down. What that meant was: no content, no laptop, no work, and no bullshit. I wasn’t putting up with anything or anyone that was bringing me down or leeched my energy. Call it selfish, I call it self-love because let me tell you, I needed it. I tried to be more present in everything I did and it was a challenge at times not going to lie but I managed to stay present most of the week so I am proud of myself.
I was thankful because I had a girls trip to the beach coming up so I knew I was about to be around some awesome girls and the beach. What more could you ask for, honestly? I am so thankful I went on this trip because the people that I was surrounded around had the most amazing spirit. They brought some life back into me that I thought was gone. I even cried because I was so thankful for them and who they were.
The trip was like the movies. Girls sitting, braiding each others hair, doing each others makeup, taking pictures, and talking about boys. It was the sleepover I have always dreamt about. Each one of those girls was so unique, beautiful, and special in their own way. You wouldn’t think we’d have anything in common but we do and honestly it was the best girls night(s) I have ever been on. I had my own personal struggles along the way but being around those girls was the perfect distraction for me.
Sometimes we need to slow down. Even if it’s for a few moments. We need to sit with ourselves or in my case, surround ourselves with people that “get” us. I didn’t know these girls for long but I really felt like they understood me. They saw me for who I was and not what I was going through. We didn’t even talk about what was happening and it wasn’t even that emotional of a trip but just being around them and being surrounded by people who LOVE you really made the world of a difference for me. I am very lucky to have been heard and it showed me what true, honest friendship looks like. I never felt like I had a family here in North Carolina and I felt like the sky is always falling but for a few days the sky wasn’t falling and I think I found my family. If I didn’t slow down and focus on myself, I wouldn’t have been able to realize that the world is not crumbling even when it felt like it was. Moving forward, I think I am going to protect my energy more and listen to the earlier signs of support that I need or even being more present in the moment instead of worrying about things that happened or will happen.
What I learned from this is that when I gave myself permission to slow down I opened myself to so many other amazing people and things that I wouldn’t have been able to connect with. I am coming back to my platform and my brand with fresh eyes and a clearer vision. Instead of focusing my energy on the things that were already said and done I channeled my anxious energy into the people and things that make ME happy.