Guys…this post is for you. I hear you and I’m here to say that there is a double standard and it’s really not fair.
I am tired of hearing this narrative of self-love and self-care being limited to women. Like what is the guy equivalent to sheet masks and journaling? What does self love look like for guys? Why do we encourage it so much for women but not as much as men? I came across this because I look at the behaviors of some of the men in my life.
I even asked on Instagram..Men, how do you self love? A lot of people responded by saying “we don’t” and THAT’S CRAZY and really fucked up because we encourage women to love themselves but we don’t do the same for men.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 YOU CAN’T LOVE SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF….TRUSTTTT. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Everyone has a things they like, do, and maintain to feel like themselves again. Someone’s room may be a reflection of where their headspace is at or how someone chooses to present themselves may tell us something about their mental psyche or maybe I am a crazy person reading into something that isn’t there. That is a huge possibility.
No but seriously…fellas…ask yourself: how do you guys self-love and what do we need to do as women to make sure you are supported, loved, and feel a deeper level of fulfillment. Let me know!!
I don’t think we as a women encourage men to take the time they need to take care of themselves. Keep in mind there are some women that mature a lot faster than men so I think that some of the frustration women have with men is their inability to be just like us or think like we do.
When we are in a relationship we come with our own stuff. That stuff is the good, the okay, the bad, and the ugly but we carry it and sometimes we are unaware of the things we carry with us. In our relationships, it may be revealed to us that there are insecurities we never we thought we had or there were things we needed to do in order to feel like ourselves OR we just now realized that we didn’t know ourselves or love ourselves enough to be with someone romantically.
As I reflect in my past relationships, I realized I did this a lot. I rarely created the space for my man to be himself and love himself because I made it all about me. Our society promotes this idea that the woman should be the epicenter of the love when really a relationship is about balance and partnering with someone else so they can be the best versions of themselves.
I know that sometimes I assume someone is where I’m at mentally, emotionally, or intellectually and get frustrated when they didn’t react like how I thought they should react but honestly, who made me God? No one. I have no place in getting upset at someone who doesn’t react or isn’t in the same place as I am because that’s not something that can be influenced in the given moment. That shit takes time and I know I am not the most patient person. I may be totally wrong on this so please sound off in the comments and let me know because what I think needs to happen more is being clear about what we need as individuals to feel like ourselves to the people we interact with and we should ask the men in our lives what they need to feel like the men they are. It shouldn’t always be about us and making the women happy. When you are in a relationship, you are on a team and teams run into conflict but that’s only if values, time, ideas, or the person isn’t getting what they are looking for or need to be a better partner for the other person.
We need to be better by ourselves first before we devote time into trying to be better for someone else. I think men need to be encouraged to learn how to love themselves and recenter themselves independent of the relationship and if they aren’t able to do that then they aren’t able to be the partners we want them to be.
I encourage the men out there to think about how they can love themselves. Not what a person, item, or activity can do but what can you do for you that makes you feel like yourself? No one can take that away and no one can give you that internal gratification other than…YOU.
Ladies, I hear you and I am with you but LET YOUR MANS BE HIM and make sure your needs, values, and wants are communicated to your significant other so they know what they should keep in mind. It’s okay if your man takes time for himself. Trust that it’s better for him which in turn is better for you. Let him play Fornite for a few hours and during that time, grow yourself and find a way to make yourself happy. You should be able to stand alone before you stand together as a unit. I struggle with this a lot. Honestly, I hate feeling lonely but I love being alone. I love my own time where I invest in my skincare, myself, my content, whatever it is BUT I love to be around my significant other when I have one (single af and I’m honestly cool with it). When I am in a relationship, I love to be around that person a lot but I understand that for my own sake and mental wellbeing I can’t because you fall off of your priorities and responsibilities trying to please someone else’s
Regardless of who you are and what you identify with, you need to be your own person. You need to be honest with yourself about what YOU need to feel like yourself. No one knows who they are but you’re aware enough to know what you don’t like. Work on the things you are good at and the things you find comfort in. Reflect back onto your values to determine what you need to do in order to feel comfortably independent.