This time of year is a transitional period for a lot of people. Graduation, prom, moving, internships, summer, opportunity, all of that stuff. It’s a bittersweet time too because, on one hand, you’re excited about all the things ahead but on another, you’re going to miss some of the most important memories or people that have shaped you. I always feel extra anxious because I hate saying goodbye. But this year, I am the one leaving. Apart of me is really scared to move but another part of me is really excited to be around new people, a new city and start over.
Also, this time period seems to move VERY VERY fast.
Spring semester flew by and throughout this entire semester some really powerful things happened for me. More recently, I have evolved. I am constantly growing. Some of that growth is painful and some of it is so beautiful. And I am soaking every moment of it in.
So, let’s get personal…
My blog launching, a toxic relationship, an eating disorder, and transformational decision to move to Charlotte later and here we are: exactly where I am supposed to be.
Some of the situations like my ED is a process. There is no fixed formula or recipe for it but writing about it allows me to shed some of the weight (ironic) of it all off. It doesn’t place the burden that I am carrying this challenge with me alone because I know many people also go through it.
One of the most challenging realizations I had was I wasn’t loving, accepting, and living my truth. I put myself in a position where I felt like I had to compromise who I was in fear of not receiving the love and security I was searching for. The relationship I was in didn’t support me and everything I was and it felt like I was in competition with every and any person or thing in his life. Those emotions pushed me to realize I wasn’t taking care of myself in the process. I didn’t feel like I couldn’t defend who I was when things happened. Things that were wrong and had nothing to do with me.
Through extensive therapy, I’m in a better place of taking care of myself and I don’t compromise who I am the way I used to. I trust who I am and what I can offer.
I wasn’t treating myself with the same love, compassion, and forgiveness I was offering other people. Being in therapy and actively practicing self-love/self-care taught me that there is no one that can offer me anything I can’t offer myself. The search began from the source: me. I was lost in the shuffle of being the “perfect woman” and wasn’t being myself in the process. I was trying to be what other people thought I should be. When in reality, all I needed to be was myself.
It’s become so apparent to me, during this time of transition, that the people and circumstances that support and love you are the ones you chose to attract. During this time, I look around to see who is there and who isn’t. I’ve learned not to beat myself up about the people that aren’t in my life because everyone has choices and I can’t bother myself too much about the choices other people make for themselves.
My therapist and I came up with a mantra that I say every day.
“I want to take care of myself in such a way that I am not abusing myself. I can do this by taking ownership of what I do and who I do it with”
I hope you all can benefit from this in some way. It reminds us to give ourselves the permission to nurture ourselves as much as we nurture other people.
Once I’ve begun taking ownership of myself, my actions, and my reactions to situations I have been protecting so much of my energy. I’ve disconnected myself from what other people choose to do with their lives and the people in them. That’s helped me nurture myself instead of punishing myself for choices other people make.
Practicing self-care is so much more than doing a face mask. It’s really thinking about what your limitations are and what you can/ cannot do within that. I’ve been communicating more openly on how I feel and think instead of trying to shrink myself to be someone I’m not. I cannot punish myself if someone chooses not to accept that because I am who I am. That may sound self-righteous but I think when you’re aware of yourself and your behaviors you can identify who you really are and teach yourself to accept yourself. You won’t feel the need to be in competition with anyone once you really see your own value.
That has translated into my brand and other areas of my life. I am so ready to embrace the good, the bad, and everything else this next phase of my life will offer. I won’t ever reduce myself to be seen as “enough” for someone else.
Transitions are amazing because you can slow down, be honest with yourself, and figure out a plan of action for where/who you want to be. Think about the people around you and what their limitations are. And give yourself the permission to love yourself for who you are.