What I’ve Learned From The Last 6 Months

The first 6 months and your next 6 months will not be the same. We are now in July which means we are in the second half of 2018 so you will face a new series of challenges, blessings, and obstacles that will look different.Β  You choose to have that difference be a “good different” or “a bad different”. Only you have the power to do that. One of the best feelings is when you realize how much power you have in your own life to do the things you want to do.

I usually do a “What I’ve Learned From: [Month]” but considering now that we are halfway through the year I wanted to take the time to reflect on the first half of 2018. I hope you all can learn from some of the things I have learned these past few months.

I knew 2018 was going to be a hard year but I’ve grown so much because of it. Last year had nothing on the growth I’ve had in the past 6 months alone. Not all of that growth has been good. There have been dark times and a lot of nights where I kept asking “Why?”. I know this year was hard for a lot of people and I’m in awe how some people can handle the things life throws at them. I’m truly inspired by that. I love seeing the good in people come out in times of adversity. I saw that within myself too.

I told myself that 2018 was going to be a selfish year for me. I’m turning 21 in a couple of weeks and I also launched my brand + platform on January 17 of this year. 1/17/2018. I’ve seen myself grow throughout my platform in so many ways and I think my platform is a really good representation of where my headspace is at. It hasn’t been in the most positive places and due to some traumatic experiences, I found myself desperately needing myself more and more. I couldn’t rely on anyone else to save me. I was in a really toxic place. I struggled with an eating disorder which had severe impacts on my overall health. I wasn’t healthy at the time but I have come a long way since. My relationship with food is steadily improving because I stopped punishing myself for things that had nothing to do with me to begin with.

Learning how to take care of myself

I’ve learned what taking care of yourself looks like and how valuable peace, energy, and light is in my life. I spend a lot of my time focusing on my own peace and protecting that because I’ve seen myself in a place where I wasn’t doing that. I wasn’t giving myself the love and energy I was giving other people. I think it’s easy to look outwards for happiness, love, and validation but when I catch myself doing that I always ask myself “Am I providing that for myself first?”. That behavior is something I’ve practiced over time.

A lot of the self-love and me taking care of myself was new to me so I didn’t what it looked like. I had to make the conscious choice to take care of myself every single day.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year, so far, is you have to take care of yourself before you do anything. I wasn’t a good friend, a good partner, a good energy to those I cared about because I didn’t know how to properly take care of myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. It really affected a lot of my relationships around me and my health too.

You don’t really ever get taught to do that. I don’t we teach how to take care of yourself in a way that’s deeper than the surface level things like face masks, relaxing, etc. We focus so much on being stable financially and in our careers but never take a step back to look at the person who has to go through this. In order to go through anything, you have to be okay with yourself first. Before I hated to be alone and now I value my independence so much more because I know that only I can offer that peace of mind in life.

The Newness

The first 6 months of this year have been some of my darkest days and a lot of new transitions. I’m learning that your early 20s are some of the hardest times because you are in between being a real adult and still being a teenager. There are so many firsts that happen to a lot of us during this time that can be overwhelming. Your first move, your first real job, your first big heartbreak, the first bill you have to start paying. Whatever it is, it’s new for us. But the new isn’t impossible, it’s just unfamiliar which can be scary. It was for me. I’ve learned that once things become more of a practice they do become a lot easier. It takes time but it’s a valuable time of learning.

Moving to a new city by myself was a lot more lonely than I ever anticipated. I am also in a new role in a completely different company. I’ve been sharing my internship help guide for all of you to benefit from it and go through this together.

What I’ve done to help myself with the newness is to take a step back, look at it for what it is, and be grateful for it all. I think about how lucky I am to have these opportunities to do what I am empowered to do. Even when I am overwhelmed, I thank God for everything because I know that He is shaping me to be the woman I am supposed to be. So of course, it’s going to be a little difficult.

Relationships

Let’s get a little personal… If you have been reading my content for awhile, you know that one of the last relationships I was in wasn’t very healthy.Β  I fell into an awful mental cycle that I have since pulled myself out of. I wasn’t taking care of myself.

There are things that I still battle daily to overcome it but you can’t rush the healing process. I am also a very forgiving person so despite what’s happened I chose to forgive and move past what happened. I didn’t want to carry any animosity with me because it would have bled into other aspects of my life. I do still love this person and will continue to have love for this person despite how much it affected me.

With other relationships, I’ve realized that sometimes taking the time to work on yourself before you can even commit to anyone else. It’s a working progress and something I try to be mindful of every single day. This goes back to being honest with yourself in order to find peace in what you do and who you want to do it with. Take accountability when you mess up, if you want something just go do it, and don’t take any of the growing process for granted.

I’ve also given myself the permission to take time away from certain circumstances. I need to keep everything and everyone at an arm’s length before I welcome them back into my circle or space. Everyone you meet comes with their own energy, their own conditioning, and I think it’s perfectly okay to say “Hey, I don’t want to have this in my life right now while I learn to figure some things out on my own”. You need to communicate that to those around you if you need the space to process the chaos in your world. I think it’s perfectly healthy to do that. The people around you will want to help and support you but somethings you need to digest at your own pace. They may not understand but if you need to do it for yourself, they’ll have to accept it.

My Brand Baby

I love talking about this because this is a place where I can really be myself. My brand, my platform, my social media is really important to me. Some people may think it’s superficial or may not be sustainable however I feel like I am being called to share my stories with you all. The whole development of building a brand is so much more than people think. You are your own boss so you have to keep yourself accountable and motivated to do whatever it is. Whether it be creating social media templates or reaching out to brands, you have to stay on it. I get to create things that reflect me in a way that engages people. I don’t need 1000 followers who don’t engage with my content. I’d much rather have a few who are really listening to offer feedback and show support. I love hearing from you guys and talking to you all.

I’d like to think that my brand has been successful in the past 6 months since it’s conception. I started it because I wanted to express myself to people who felt like no one was listening to them. I get to be myself: authentically and organically. ALSO, it’s a creative outlet for me. There is so much that goes into social media behind just posting. Now, there is a new social media industry that wasn’t there before. There are so many jobs that got created because bloggers and influencers took a leap of faith to share their thoughts with the world. This industry may seem competitive but I don’t really believe in that word. I think there is so much out there already that people can connect to and just because you connect with one person doesn’t mean you don’t connect with other people. It’s created a community of creators who want to support one another. I know there are some snakes out there but so far, I’ve met some of the most incredible girl bosses because of my platform.

It’s something that I have worked a lot on and put a lot of energy into so I protect it like it’s my own. You all will see a new face of my brand very soon and I am so excited. I get to evolve with Is Anyone Really Listening? Again, this speaks back to the self-power.

Intern Help Guide Week 4 πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ Is a β€œwork life balance” achievable?

If you are new to my platform, HI welcome! You are reading the 3rd post of a series I’ve created for anyone navigating a first job or an internship. The tips provided are from my experience as an intern for various companies throughout the past few years. Specifically in the business + technology industry.

They are intended to help you and support you wherever you are in your career. Thank you so much to all of you for showing me support with this.

Okay, let’s get started…

Something I know a lot of new hires or interns don’t talk about is the work-life shift you go through when starting a new role. You may not be used to the long hour days or some of the sleepless nights. If you’re entering the workforce as a college student, it can be a challenge to adjust to a new environment. By week four you will have a better grasp of what type of schedule works best for you but it can seem a little repetitive. Trust me it’s okay if you feel a little bored of it.

You wake up, get ready, go to work, maybe do a workout, come home, make dinner, have a few hours to yourself, and go to sleep. Now older people may look at this and think “yeah welcome to the real world” but I kind of want to challenge that. Not everyone’s life’s goal is to live that kind of life. Try to remember when you were new to this.

Managing a different type of work pressure and your own life can be a huge adjustment for people. I know for me and other interns it has been. No matter what role I have played in my internships, adjusting to the monotony and fatigue was a process.

Work in itself, regardless of what you do, is really gratifying. Your internship is a huge dopamine rush of gratification to your brain. You’re doing things that are making an impact in the company and you have to learn to disconnect from work and your personal life. Your work cannot be your happiness.Β It can be really easy to blindly fall into this trap of having work be your only source of happiness. Remember you’re a person beyond the work environment. You spent 40 + hours in your week at work which is a lot of time and sometimes even more than you see your own family or friends.

In your internship, you will experience some work pressure that you’re unfamiliar with. That’s perfectly normal. So many people entering the workforce experience this or even being in the workforce. These are things no one really tells you about working in the real world.

As a student, you have a lot of free time that isn’t as available when you’re working. This is a culture shock for a lot of people and that’s okay. I’ve experienced this in various ways. It’s taken me 3 weeks to get comfortable with a sleeping schedule and a routine that works for me.

Here’s what I’ve learned to do to ease some of the pressure.

Let me know what things you do that I haven’t shared!

  • Unplug: Allow yourself to disconnect from the office when you’re not supposed to be working. I don’t check emails after 5 pm. Once I’m home, I’m home. I like to keep my work life and my personal life separate. I will admit, I do think about the work and carry some of that with me but I try to be present in the time that I have for myself.
  • Figuring out what brings you peace + gratification outside of work. Make sure you spend time, even if it’s just an hour, with yourself doing something you love to do. For me, I love spending time creating content on my platform or on social media. It’s a creative outlet for me to be present with my time and really do something I love to do.
  • Talking to your mentors and managers at work to let them know that you’re adjusting to this new routine. You should be able to be honest to them and let them know that you might be struggling but are looking for ways to find a balance. If work is getting too overwhelming, it’s okay to focus on your immediate tasks and say no to things. It’s okay to let your manager know if your work load is overwhelming. Communicating some of your challenges throughout your internship is a way for them to offer insight as to how they do it. It’s a great topic to talk about in your bi-weekly 1:1s!
  • Giving yourself the permission to make plans with your friends and your family so you’re not so consumed with work. Make time for those people. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping contact with my friends or family when I’m super busy because I’m consumed with creating content or busy with work. They can help put things back into perspective and will anchor you.
  • Making plans that you’re looking forward to. Whether it be something you do after work or on the weekend. It’s okay to enjoy your time outside of your internship. You’re supposed to. Connect with other interns near you or in your program to go on fun adventures. That’ll help bring you back to reality.
  • Leaning in on that support system of yours. Whenever I don’t want to think about anything work related, I have my friends tell me all about their lives and their world to distract me. I make it about them to get my mind off some of the chaos. If you do want to talk to them about a work problem, they may not understand right away because they don’t work the way you do. That’s okay! Confiding in your support system is going to help you stay grounded in who you are and it’s going to ease some of that pressure.
  • As cliche as this sounds but doing something active helps relieve a lot of pressure. You can channel the stress from work into something that makes you feel good. Even walking outside for lunch will brighten up your energy levels. I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves as interns to do the best. It’s great to be perfectionists but you need to find a way to get release that energy.
  • Remember that it’s only 10 or 12 weeks and things do get easier. They’ll be bouts of your internship where you will have a lot to do and other weeks you won’t be as busy. Business is a cycle. You’ll find your balance and your routine. Also so many people go through this. Find solace knowing that you’re not alone in figuring this out.
  • Make yourself a priority. Do at least 3 things for yourself everyday that help you unwind and destress. You need to take care of yourself and it’s so easy to forget and focus on other things but be mindful of what you need to be successful.

In your internship you’re going to meet a lot of other interns who are going through the same thing. You guys grow closer because you’re going through the same experience together. Keep those connections close because when you’re overwhelmed or just need to talk about work they are going to be a huge help.

You should be mindful of how you are treating yourself outside of the workspace.

If you’re reading this and you’re not an intern or never had an internship, do not let this scare you. People create their own “balance” in their own way. Some people have a harder time adjusting and some people adjust really easily. It just depends but it’s good to know that this is something that comes along with an internship too because you’re learning in an applicative setting. I don’t want to intimidate anyone from having an internship because it’s hands down one of the best learning experiences I’ve had. I’ve learned more from my internships than I have in my years in school.

I’ve had a few insightful conversations from people who have been in the industry for 20+ years or people who are just entering it (like myself) and they all have similar experiences. You are going to find what works for you. Remember to take care of your mental health and your physical health before you consider work or school or anything.

Hoping this was helpful. I’m working on some amazing stuff for you guys, I can’t wait to share to all of you really listening ✨

Self-Care Sunday: Anthony Bourdain

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, depression, mental health.

If you are triggered or might be triggered by any of these topics do not feel obligated to read this post, I understand. There are plenty of other posts that I am confident you can connect with. If you need someone to talk to, my email or dms are always open. Someone is really listening.

In the past week, two legends chose to leave our world. When it comes to suicide or sudden death, there is no good “why” and it can be hard to understand why someone would make the choice to end their own life. Suicide hits close to home for me. A friend of mine this past September took his own life. I’ve been candid in speaking about him on my platform. Tony was one of my best friends. I didn’t see it coming and I wish I knew. I miss him every single day and pray that his heart is at peace.

Rest in peace to Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. There is so much that can be said about these two people. Kate Spade showed us that color and creativity can be a girls best accessory. Every time I unzip my Kate Spade wallet, I am reminded of her legacy and her impact. It pains me that her world wasn’t colorful

Anthony Bourdain used food, cuisine, and culture as the medium to show us that our global neighbors aren’t as different from us as we may think. My heart truly aches over the loss of these beautiful people. During the worst times of my eating disorder, Anthony Bourdain reminded me of my love and passion for global cuisine. He made the darkest parts of my struggle brighter.

This self-care Sunday is dedicated to them and to the millions of people who struggle with their own demons. Know that there is someone really listening. My email inbox is always open to anyone who wants to reach out. I will respond with open arms and I promise you are loved, I am here, and you are not alone. I promise that there is someone listening or who is willing to listen.

Data shows that in the months subsequent to celebrity suicides, suicide rates increase. Some people don’t feel comfortable talking to a hotline or a stranger but if you are going through this and feel like you have no one. There are people waiting for you to reach out. It takes a lot of courage to do so. So if you reach out to me or anyone or call this 1-800-273-8255 number, I am so thankful.

I want to point out that social media can be a toxic environment with anyone dealing with any level of a mental health issue. Social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives. We choose to put our happiest moments on there because we all want to be accepted and we all want to fit in somehow. It’s in our nature to have a sense of belonging to a group of people or someone. If you don’t find that in your physical community, there are millions of communities within reach by a few taps on a screen. So naturally, we are drawn to it. I catch myself doing this sometimes where I find myself posting a picture or a moment out of obligation. Since part of my job is to portray myself on social media, I feel like I have to always have it together when I don’t. I’m here to say that I wake up 99% of the time not knowing what the hell I’m doing. Sometimes I post things when I don’t feel the best about myself. I’ve even gone back to edit some instagram captions to point out the state I was in. I realized that I was being inauthentic when someone recently reached out to me and went “I love your page. You’re so positive”. I corrected them by saying “Thank you but I’m struggling right now. It’s not always positive”.

These celebrities who took their own lives should make us realize that no matter how successful you are or what your job is, you’re a human being and you are allowed to feel like the world is crumbling around you. They had all the resources at their fingertips but at the end of the day, but still made the choice to take their own lives. There are things all of us go to bed with and it can be overwhelming.

I think we need to live more authentically about the battles we go through because I feel like we’d be a lot more connected. I think our society is so polarized right now by political affiliation or these social identities that we forget the person we are judging is a human being too. We can’t wear these capes all by ourselves. We aren’t superheroes and even superheroes have weaknesses. I am so tired of this notion that we have to have it together all the time.

What saddens me about Anthony Bourdain is that he had the dream job: to eat, travel the world, and tell stories about forgotten places. When Bourdain had an episode of Iran I was so excited because finally, the world gets to see how amazing iranian cuisine is. It was like Anthony was enjoying the same bowl of Persian food I grew up. I felt connected to him. Other episodes of his made me more connected to the world around us. I felt a bit less alone. My cousin and I would sit and watch him while enjoying some amazing homecooked food. His authentic, creative, and unifying approach to storytelling reminded me why I love cuisine in the first place. The most communal moments happen when you can break bread with someone. His episode with Barack Obama was one of my favorites. Something about seeing the president of the United States sitting on a plastic stool in a foreign country made me so happy. Like I said before, Bourdain made food less intimidating for me. He tried pretty much everything and he was a scholar of culture. I always say food is the best vessel to experience culture and I am thankful to Anthony for showing us that.

We never knew. I think when you live on such a public stage you can’t come out and say you’re depressed. There are so many stigmas surrounded around mental health and the internet can be so mean. People will attack you for being human and until you are in their shoes you will never understand that pressure. We label people as crazy and until we can talk about mental health within our own communities and help one another, we can’t be surprised when people pass. I’m hopeful. It starts within our small communities. In the people we surround ourselves with. Checking in on a friend out of courtesy is useless. We should always make the time for our people so that when something is really happening they know someone is really listening.

As always, I am really listening. I never knew my brand name or the title of my blog could be such an important question. It’s becoming embedded into everything I do. Making sure that everyone around me or whoever is reading this feels connected in someway. This is my why. This is why I asked the question because it can feel like no one is. So I am.

How do guys self-love? I’m seriously asking

Guys…this post is for you. I hear you and I’m here to say that there is a double standard and it’s really not fair.Β 

I am tired of hearing this narrative of self-love and self-care being limited to women. Like what is the guy equivalent to sheet masks and journaling? What does self love look like for guys? Why do we encourage it so much for women but not as much as men? I came across this because I look at the behaviors of some of the men in my life.

I even asked on Instagram..Men, how do you self love? A lot of people responded by saying “we don’t” and THAT’S CRAZY and really fucked up because we encourage women to love themselves but we don’t do the same for men.πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½ YOU CAN’T LOVE SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF….TRUSTTTT.Β πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½

Everyone has a things they like, do, and maintain to feel like themselves again. Someone’s room may be a reflection of where their headspace is at or how someone chooses to present themselves may tell us something about their mental psyche or maybe I am a crazy person reading into something that isn’t there. That is a huge possibility.

No but seriously…fellas…ask yourself: how do you guys self-love and what do we need to do as women to make sure you are supported, loved, and feel a deeper level of fulfillment. Let me know!!

I don’t think we as a women encourage men to take the time they need to take care of themselves. Keep in mind there are some women that mature a lot faster than men so I think that some of the frustration women have with men is their inability to be just like us or think like we do.

When we are in a relationship we come with our own stuff. That stuff is the good, the okay, the bad, and the ugly but we carry it and sometimes we are unaware of the things we carry with us. In our relationships, it may be revealed to us that there are insecurities we never we thought we had or there were things we needed to do in order to feel like ourselves OR we just now realized that we didn’t know ourselves or love ourselves enough to be with someone romantically.

As I reflect in my past relationships, I realized I did this a lot. I rarely created the space for my man to be himself and love himself because I made it all about me. Our society promotes this idea that the woman should be the epicenter of the love when really a relationship is about balance and partnering with someone else so they can be the best versions of themselves.Β 

I know that sometimes I assume someone is where I’m at mentally, emotionally, or intellectually and get frustrated when they didn’t react like how I thought they should react but honestly, who made me God? No one. I have no place in getting upset at someone who doesn’t react or isn’t in the same place as I am because that’s not something that can be influenced in the given moment. That shit takes time and I know I am not the most patient person. I may be totally wrong on this so please sound off in the comments and let me know because what I think needs to happen more is being clear about what we need as individuals to feel like ourselves to the people we interact with and we should ask the men in our lives what they need to feel like the men they are. It shouldn’t always be about us and making the women happy. When you are in a relationship, you are on a team and teams run into conflict but that’s only if values, time, ideas, or the person isn’t getting what they are looking for or need to be a better partner for the other person.

We need to be better by ourselves first before we devote time into trying to be better for someone else. I think men need to be encouraged to learn how to love themselves and recenter themselves independent of the relationship and if they aren’t able to do that then they aren’t able to be the partners we want them to be.

I encourage the men out there to think about how they can love themselves. Not what a person, item, or activity can do but what can you do for you that makes you feel like yourself? No one can take that away and no one can give you that internal gratification other than…YOU.

Ladies, I hear you and I am with you but LET YOUR MANS BE HIM and make sure your needs, values, and wants are communicated to your significant other so they know what they should keep in mind. It’s okay if your man takes time for himself. Trust that it’s better for him which in turn is better for you. Let him play Fornite for a few hours and during that time, grow yourself and find a way to make yourself happy. You should be able to stand alone before you stand together as a unit. I struggle with this a lot.Β Honestly, I hate feeling lonely but I love being alone. I love my own time where I invest in my skincare, myself, my content, whatever it is BUT I love to be around my significant other when I have one (single af and I’m honestly cool with it). When I am in a relationship, I love to be around that person a lot but I understand that for my own sake and mental wellbeing I can’t because you fall off of your priorities and responsibilities trying to please someone else’s

Regardless of who you are and what you identify with, you need to be your own person. You need to be honest with yourself about what YOU need to feel like yourself. No one knows who they are but you’re aware enough to know what you don’t like. Work on the things you are good at and the things you find comfort in. Reflect back onto your values to determine what you need to do in order to feel comfortably independent.Β 

What I’ve Learned From: March

If you’ve noticed or haven’t noticed, I have been absent on the content this past week. It has been a very crazy, eye opening month so far and I am in a place now where I think I can face what March has taught me.

Out of the 3 months so far, March has been the biggest learning lesson for me. To some degree, I have a responsibility to be transparent with you all in the best way that I can and to be honest, things right now haven’t been so great.

March has been hard and in general, I have a lot on my plate. I am grateful for it all because I am growing but the one thing that has been the hardest to accept is facing the one thing that has been screaming in my face: my health.

It’s taken me sometime to really confront this issue head on and acknowledge that I have a problem but I’m here now and I am ready to speak my truth about this.

So let’s get personal…

This past month I’ve felt like I’ve had to play a part all the time. I had to be the best student, friend, professional, blogger, whatever it is. I’ve had to be… THAT person and maybe I brought that upon myself but during this time I also have been eating less than 900 calories and anything more scares me. This has been going on for a few months now and other bad food/eating habits have come along with it as well.

It’s exhausting and I am tired trying to live this role I want to actually live my life and be who I am while going through this. I know we all have things we go through in life and sometimes we need to take a step back toΒ  reassess ourselves and I am continuing to do that.

Weird right? I have a food blog and I write about food and I talk about food how could I have a problem? Well, you see that I was never like this. Somethings have happened that brought me to this point and it got so bad that I didn’t realize it was happening. I don’t look like the type of person who could have a bad relationship with food but I do and I am going to be upfront about it.

You would never have thought by my Instagram or social media. Social media tends to be a highlight reel of everyone’s lives and how everyone is good all the time when in reality that is probably far from their truth. I pride myself on being transparent in person and in social media and I felt like I was living this lie. I don’t know who I am completely but I know I wasn’t living my truth and I had a problem with that.

Am I going to post about how it’s hard all the time? No BUT I do owe you guys the truth and this is it. I saw all these people on social media happy when I knew moments before they probably didn’t feel that way. Everyone is going through something right now. Big or small it’s happening. What has been happening in my life, seems like it’s engulfed me. Sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes it honestly feels like food is poison. I have counted every calorie, I have a weird obsession over ingredients in my food, and I need to see exactly what’s in my food and how much of it.

I lost my normal and I have been fighting everyday to get it back and I thought I was the only person ever to go through this but as I started talking to more people about how I was feeling the more people started to talk about their hardships with food. I never knew how close it was to me. I go out nowadays and it takes a lot to get myself to do something as simple as eating. It’s been hard to get two “meals” in a day and what I consider is a meal is probably VERY different in what you consider a meal. Right now, a meal to me is a banana and that’s 105 calories. To someone with a normal/healthy mindset with food, a meal is 4 times much calories. I know calories don’t matter but right now that’s how I determine what food is “good” and “bad”.

I didn’t see how bad it was getting until recently and partly because I thought I had it under control but I was convincing myself that what I was doing was normal. Eating 400-900 calories a day is not normal by any standard. Plus I workout and I lead a pretty active lifestyle. That’s not healthy. It’s not sustainable and it’s not a life I want to live anymore.

It’s not like I can switch it off but with treatment, doctors, therapy, and a rock solid support system (which I have btw) I know I am going to be okay. I know this moment in my life doesn’t define me. I’m me but I am lost and I am struggling and I am not too prideful to admit that I have a hard time eating food and enough of it. It has taken a toll on my health in every aspect and maybe I will dive deeper into that later but I know that if I keep up with where I am at now, it could kill me and I don’t want that. I want to stay alive, I want to be healthy, and I want to feel like myself again.

But for now this is the extent I am comfortable talking about it. I will keep you all updated as my recovery continues but yeah, this has been happening. You may not have known but now you do and let me know if you have any questions.